Nature vs Nurture

So...
My mom.
What can I say about my mom? Not very many good things. Unfortunately.
Today my dad called me and asked me what was going on with my mom because she was upset, crying, and had yelled some pretty mean things at him. So I talked to her, briefly. I asked her if she was OK, she said no... that she couldn't handle all this stress (financial things) anymore and that she didn't want to be around anymore (meaning she didn't want to be alive anymore). Now, it isn't the first time I've heard this from her, so I wasn't too surprised but it is always stressful and emotional when you hear that your mother wishes she was dead.

The point of this story is that I've recently have realized just how mean my mom is. Today my dad was slow, like a normal Alzheimer's patient is. She got mad at him for it, then he asked what she was upset at and she yelled at him to get out and that she didn't want to see him anymore... ever. What a nice thing to say to your spouse of 25+ years, who also has many physical and mental problems. It made me think of just how UGLY my mom is. That is the only good word I can think of... UGLY.

Now, the worst part of this story is that lately I've realized that I act like my mom at times. Jake and I had an argument this past week, of course about something petty, and the way I acted toward him and treated him... just like my mom. I started crying that night because it was a horrible realization. Then today we chatted a bit with my dad while my mom was a church (ironic hu?) and he started listing off all the things my mom does... and Jake basically finished his sentences because that is exactly what I do when I get mad. Slap in the face! How horrible is that? I think my mom is one of the ugliest people I know (how sad hu?) and I have some of the same tendencies she does.

Another scary thing... Jake asked me earlier if I thought my mom was always that way and I am just now realizing it or she just started. I think that she had her moments in the past where she'd act like this, but now it is just all the time (I mean, literally ALL the time. There is nothing nice that comes out of her mouth when she is at home). Knowing this, my mind is thinking and praying that that will not be me... every now and then I get real mad and act mean and ugly then someday it will become my whole personality. I hope not!

I have a lot of love and respect for my mom. She taught me so many things in my life (both because of what she has done well and that that she has not done well) and has helped shape the person I've become. I just can't understand how a person becomes like her. Especially since she is one of the most dedicated persons I know... she reads her bible almost everyday and back in Oregon she would write lengthy notes of Sunday morning service then go and buy the tape and listen to it (and write more notes) later in the week. She would always (and actually still does) get on my case about not always listening to Christian music on the radio and having and what she calls idols (Japanese souvenirs) in our home. Yet she has so much hate, spite, etc. in her. I guess that would be the definition of a pharisee?

And I don't know how to approach her with all of this. I have been so tired, stressed, worn emotionally dealing with my family's problems that I feel like if I even begin a conversation with my mom about this, I would just end up yelling at her that I thought she was the ugliest person I know. Ha, that would not end very well. I can't even think about this without crying, it is so frustrating.

Pray for me... something to the extent of "God, please don't let Tanya end up being like her mother."
*Also keep in mind... this is just the the emotional side of the family problems... they...we are still struggling financially.

Smile Award

The Smile Award

Sweet, fun Rachel Varney awarded me with the smile award. Thanks for thinking of me!
Gosh, I don't even know where to begin about Rachel. She is definitely one of my favorite people I know. She loves so many things: art, music... musicals, kids, God, her husband, etc. She inspires me to be more passionate about life. Her laugh and smile always brightens my day!





These are the rules:
1. The recipient must link back to the awards creator the babblings of mere
2. You must post these rules if you receive the award.
3. You must chose 5 people to receive the award after receiving it yourself
4. You must fit the characteristics of the recipient of the award, as posted by Mere.
5. You must post the characteristics of a recipient.
6. You must create a post sharing your win with others.
7. You must thank your giver.
Characteristics for the Smile Award:
1. Must display a cheerful attitude. (not necessarily at all times--we are all human)
2. Must love one another
3. Must make mistakes
4. Must learn from others
5. Must be a positive contributor to blog world
6. Must love life
7. Must love kids


Ok, so being fairly new to this whole blog world... I don't know many people who still update their blog, but I will try my best to get 5 people.

1.) Andrea http://andrea-mominterrupted.blogspot.com/
Andrea has to be the first one here, because I absolutely LOVE reading her blog! She is an amazing writer, but not only that but and amazing person. You can tell how much she loves her kids, husband and friends. Her blog is one of the ones I have to check everyday and it always puts a smile on my face. She also came up with the idea to create a blog for the women at our church: http://www.woodlandwestwomen.blogspot.com/ What a great idea! What a great woman!

2.) Amy http://amytindell.blogspot.com/
Oh Amy. I love it when I see Amy because she usually has a huge smile on her face. I can just image it now, her face lights up and I can hear the big "HI" in a high pitched voice that her and her sister do oh so well. Amy is another person who just loves to laugh! Her and Rachel together can brighten anyone's day with their humor and wit. I appreciate Amy's influence in my life, she is a role model to me... in her marriage, how good of a friend she is to others, and her relationship with God.

3.) Ainsley http://randyspells.blogspot.com/
I appreciate Randy and Ainsley flying from Tenn. to Oregon for our wedding two years ago. They were both a big help. Although we don't get to see them a whole lot, I love keeping up to date with their blog. I love when Ainsley posts all of Ammie's famous sayings. They make me laugh and gets me excited for when Jake and I will have our little ones around the house saying rediculous things. Thanks for making me smile!!

Okay, so I mustered up 3. How sad for me! :op

Craft Time

We had a couple repair men come out today, one to fix the disposal and the other to fix our range. Since their estimated time was between 10am-2pm, I've had some time to finish up a couple of my projects.

Here is the latest... my coffee table (two end tables coming soon).

Things to be thankful for...

1.) Friends.

We had 9 guys come out to help Jake work in our backyard on Saturday. Nine! They worked anywhere from 8am-2pm, digging holes, shoveling gravel, breaking up concrete, moving brick, and a whole lot of other things. Our backyard looked terrible when we first bought it... and now it only looks slightly terrible. :o) We are very lucky that so many people like Jake enough to come out on their weekend and work outside on a 105 degree day!

And of course I can't forget Amy and Rachel who came and helped me paint our master bedroom. It is a beautiful chocolate brown!

2.) Air Conditioning.

For those of you who don't live in Texas... it has been HOT! 100-108 for the past couple of weeks! Today and yesterday we have been in a heat advisory... which means that they advise people not to be outside for a long period of time because it is so hot and the heat index is even hotter! That never happened in Oregon! Ha ha.

But, however I am thankful for the AC in our house, my car still does not have AC!! Which leads me to my number 3.

3.) My husband.

He is so good to me. On the hot days... he takes my little clunker and sweats everywhere he goes.

And, I haven't had a mental breakdown thinking about my parents in the past couple of weeks. Jake has been doing a stand up job keeping them on track. And surprisingly, my parents (especially my mom) has been very willing to listen to him and do everything he asks. Shocking.

Gosh, I love my husband (plus... hes so handsome!).

4.) Amy.

Amy Tindall wanted to invite Rachel and I over to hang out at their house in Grandbury before the chaos of school started again (plus, Brian is out of state of a couple days on work). We couldn't work anything out because of work and the rest of busyness. But she had the idea for us to come over Sunday night, stay the night and then I'd go into work Monday afternoon.

Now, I haven't spent the night at someone's house... without a reason (travel, etc.) since high school! So it was like a little slumber party. We didn't stay up late giggling and talking about boys, but it was very refreshing to be able to do something like that just for fun.

So, thanks Amy!

Sad News

My sister-in-law, Danielle, and her husband, Chris, have been trying to have a baby for a couple years now. They have a beautiful 3 1/2 year old daughter but wanted to add another little one to the family. After at least a year on baby making meds, she finally got pregnant! We found out after we got back from Japan. Everyone was very excited, especially Karen (my mother-in-law).

This past weekend, Danielle wasn't feeling very well and went to the doctor. They found out it was a tubal baby. So yesterday she had surgery to remove the baby. :o(

So I would like to ask that everyone remember Chris and Danielle in your prayers. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to go through this.

Thanks!

Too busy or just lazy?

So it has been a couple weeks... ok maybe like 3 or 4, since I last blogged. It just seems like I've been so busy! Or is it too lazy? I never knew how much time and effort it takes to keep up with a house and I don't even have kids, school hasn't started yet, and I only work part time!! Jake was telling me today, that it seems like all we do is work on house stuff... water the lawn, do the dishes, mow the grass, do the laundry, do the dishes, vacuum, do the dishes... we have a very shallow sink so we end up having to do the dishes almost every other day! When we do have a spare minutes, it just feels so good just to veg out on the couch. Ha ha. How does a house owner keep up with everything?!?

Although I will confess, I have picked up an extra hobby (on top of all the other million things we are doing and having to take care of... I will fill everyone in on our family situation also). Beautiful Rachel Varney and I have been garage saling it (yea, probably not a word I know) this past weekend for some furniture. We've decided to go into business together. Or at least a trial run of selling some artsy-fartsy things we're putting together. Rach is working on painting a kids room set and I am doing some smaller things. I am almost done with my first project, mosaicing an end table, here is what it looks like so far. I ran out of grout today, so I need to pick up so more and I need to finish painting the legs white. What do you think?

So other than getting paint and tile all over our carpet, Jake and I have been dealing with my family problems. Usually when you think of family, I assume you think visiting them, talking, hanging out... whatever. Us... we have to deal. And It has been frustrating! I will spare everyone the details because this post could go on FOREVER.

So basically my parents are very irresponsible... funny for people who are are in their 50's and 60's, hu? They have always struggled with their finances. They basically spend more then they make... much more. Plus, my brother (25 y/o) still lives and home, mooches, and takes advantage of their leniency towards him (basically he spends their money without them knowing or them doing anything). Anyway, their situation came down to us having to pay their electric bill for them (yea, like we have any money) so my dad, who's health is very poor, could have electricity and AC. (Side note: my dad had a triple heart bypass surgery about 10 years ago, so the doctors think that some of his problems right now are due to heart failure, plus he has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and Alzheimer's. It is very sad to see. He takes medicine for just about all these things and so it makes him very dizzy. He takes about 3 steps and falls. It is hard to watch your parents deteriorate so quickly right in front of you.)

So, with their finances and my dad's health problems you would think that alone would be rough. Well, it is. However, it is much harder because of the fact that both my brother and mother are very mean people. With my brother... it is because he is very dysfunctional and well so is my mother. But I just don't understand my mom. She will yell at my dad for forgetting things, putting things in the wrong place, being slow, etc. Does she not understand what is going on?!?!

For the past year and a half Jake has watched me cry late at night because I've been so stressed and worried about my parents and their whole situation. I try not to get too emotional or involved, but it is hard... especially when I've been told "we need you... we can't do this without you... please help us..."

Jake finally drew the line this past week... and I am not allowed to be involved. Jake has been meeting with them the past couple of days... going over the bills, helping to set up a budget, making a plan for the future. Man, what an amazing husband I have, hu?!? And let me tell you... it has been such a big relief not to worry about whats going to happen. Granted, it will take a long time before they will get out of debt again but at least it is a start. Actually, we figure that they will end up living with us just to save money and make it every month. In January their lease is up, so that is when we are thinking that is going to happen. Oh joy... :o/ Please pray for us!!

To end on a lighter note... Jake and I celebrated out 2 year anniversary last week! We did it by pulling weeds in the yard! Ha ha! And we went out to eat later that night.

Home Sweet Home

After a long....long time being on a couple of planes and hanging out in airports, WE ARE HOME!

Our flight from Tokyo to Atlanta was about 13 hours long. I had a hard time sleeping... like normally on planes... but Jake had several nice naps. By the time we got to Atlanta, went through immigration, customs, rechecked our bags, and changed terminals... we missed our flight! So, we were put on standby for the next flight... 3 hours later!

Delta was obviously having problems that day because there were 45 people on standby for our one flight from their missed connections. Our flight was also then delayed. So we hung out in the airport a little longer. I ended up passing out for a little while on the floor next to the check in counter!

Oh it was a long day! But, after almost 24 hours of traveling and waiting in airports, we are finally home.

I will say, it is interesting being in this house. Tonight will be my first night sleeping here. It is funny because all of our stuff is familiar, but this place isn't. And then there are boxes everywhere!! I will update the blog with pictures of our house later.

Thanks for keeping up with us during our time in Japan!