Wake Up!

Last night I set my alarm clock to 6:30am. That is sleeping in from my usual 6:15am (big whoop, 15 minutes...hu?).

Well, I was rudely waken this morning at 6:25am (I know, I know... only 5 minutes, why am I complaining? Well, when sleeping in is 15 minutes, 5 minutes is a lot!) by our smoke detector. No worries, our house wasn't on fire. The battery is just dying. So it beeps. At random times. Maybe 7-8 times. Maybe just once and then it will stop for several days. 3am... 6Pm...You never know. It is really annoying! (I know, we could just change the batteries... but that would require going to the store to buy batteries. Who has time for that?!)

This has been going on for a 2-3 weeks.

But the funny part of all of this is that the dog we are sitting (We've had Chopper again all last week) is SO afraid of this high pitched beep.

Now, Chopper is a great dog... very obedient, usually very calm. He follows us, ok he follows me, around the house. The only time he is upstairs is if I am.

However, this morning (while I was lying awake in bed) I hear him running upstairs... jingle jingle jingle of his collar tags. Then he promptly jumps right onto the bed and lays right next to me. He has never jumped onto the bed. We won't let him. But today he did. And he wouldn't get off. I yelled. I pushed (just a little... I am not abusive!!!). He just rolled around on and around me. Poor little guy was afraid of the beeping!! He was shaking and whining a little.

For the rest of the morning he was spooked. The detector beeped off and on this morning. I was sitting on the computer trying to study for my Japanese Art History test this morning (WHY?! Why did I pick such a hard class???) and any time there was a beep, he was practically sitting in my lap.

I can only image what he is going through while I am here at work (yes, I know...once again blogging when I shouldn't be!) and he is at home all alone.

Poor Choppy!

Just when I start to think...

It is funny how it happens.
Okay, maybe not funny.
Interesting. Maybe?

The moment I start to think good thoughts about the situation with my parents, Satan rains on my parade.

As I was sitting at Harvest Call (training for LST), I started to think about the amazing time I had in Japan. I shared my life, my faith, my struggles with these people and I made some amazing connections because of it. I shared how much I struggled and they did too. I shared how I've become a stronger, wiser person because of it. My experience this past summer would have been completely different if I wasn't going through this... God used me in an amazing way, to reach out to people who also struggle.

It put a smile on my face.
I realized that I should be praising God for my struggles. I realized that I wasn't even letting God in as much as I should. People have been praying for me and my family. So many people. I get told just about every Sunday. I've gotten emails from friends, sending me helpful links. And it has encouraged in ways I cannot put into words. But how much have I been lifting it up? Not enough.
Why?
Well, because I am stubborn. I can do it on my own. Because really, I have had to do many things on my own since about high school. Actually, probably middle school (Yea, it is called Middle School in the northwest, not Jr. High).

So tonight I came to this realization. And I felt good (not about the lack of prayer on my end). I felt like I at least came to an understanding of my situation and what I need to do about it. Like it wasn't the end of me. I still don't feel that way, but I do feel robbed of my brief feeling of happiness.

Of course I get a call from my mom. There is a problem with my brother. He took the car keys from my mom's purse and took off, only saying "I'll be right back". An hour later, he is still out... license less, insurance less, and warrant out for his arrest in another state. If he gets pulled over, he will be arrest and the car will be impounded... of which there is no money to bail him or the car out (car being most important). And this is the only running car my parents have. My mom does work.

The problem aside, I feel like I was robbed. That Satan just snatched that good feeling away. He knew I was feeling good and he hated it. He wants me so much to be depressed about this. He wants me to feel like there is no hope. He wanted me to keep pushing God away.

Well I am here to say that he will not win. No sir. I am not going down without a fight. With the help of my friends, my husband (what a great husband he is!), and God... I will make it through. I will not be depressed. I will continually praise God... knowing that He will always be there for me and that He will not give me anything that I cannot handle. I will not loose hope.

Never give up, Never surrender! (-Galaxy Quest...That was a horrible movie, I know.)

GO BEAVS!

Yea, it is 11:32pm. I am usually in bed at 10:00pm. But there is no way I would pass up the opportunity to watch the Oregon State Beavers upset number 1 ranked USC!

What an awsome game! I mean the defense! And the little 5'6 running back that no one could tackle! I mean really! 27-21 Beavs!

And now, I have no voice...

And that is it.

Can I Please Get a Break?!?

Leisha Norwood asked me about my parents the other day. I told her things were about the same. She had mentioned to me that there are several people at church who are dealing with family members who have Alzheimer's. She specifically recommended Beverly Adibi (spelling?) because she might know more about getting help from associations, medicare, and things like that.

So Sunday after services, I found Beverly and told her about my dad. She asked about my mom and how she was dealing with it... I flat out told her that she was basically gone psycho (of course not in those words). She then told me something that really gave me some relief. It is semi-normal. Spouses of someone going through a big change sometime take it really hard. Yea, I know that... DUH. Well, she told me that her parents sort of reacted the same way when they first started going through Alzheimer's. *Sigh of relief* Right at that moment I felt almost normal. There is a glimmer of hope for me and my family... and we are not the only ones who are completely dysfunctional!

My little bubble was popped at about 7pm that night.
My dad called.

He wanted me to come over so we could talk. What now? Well, he started to tell me about something that happened earlier that day. My mom and dad were going somewhere. My dad was taking his time trying to get into the car, he is a little slow. My mom was impatient and started to "help" him in... by pushing him and shoving him in! What?! He didn't get to finish the story because my brother was in the room and said something like... "Oh come on."

And speaking of my brother. At one point on the phone I heard an "oomf" from my dad. I asked what had happened and he said my brother had hit his stomach... and of course my brother shouted in the background, "No... I patted your stomach". Well, I don't think a pat would knock the wind out of someone.

I want my dad out of that house!! He is not only being emotionally abused, but physically too!

I found out my mom is doing some kind of counseling on how to deal with Alzheimer's in the family, among other things. She is more then halfway through her sessions, only 3 more left, and I don't think it has changed a thing!

Jake was in the car with me when I was talking to my dad. I explained everything to him and he said if I wanted to move my dad in with us. Well, I'd like that more then him staying with my mom! So he told me to call Alzheimer's Association or someone like that to find out about hospice care. So that it kind of my plan today. Just to call and find info about different options.

I was thinking about all the things that need to be done if my dad was to live with us. Man, that would be rough. Our house has a bad floor plan for that. All our bedrooms are upstairs along with the showers. It would be rough for him to walk up and down. He needs rails in the tub to help him in and out. We would need to be getting some extra money to help support him... we struggle with out food budget with just us two. My mom would resent me for forever. What about my brother? They probably be coming over all the time.

I don't know. I don't even know if he wants to live with us. He was a little hesitant when I mentioned it the other day. And I don't even know everything that happened. So I guess I just have to wait and see what he has to tell me. Jake and I are planning a trip up there today. He isn't letting me go on my own... which is probably pretty smart.

Well, at least I got that little break of 7 hours thinking that my life was semi-normal!

Destination- Procrastination

Do you like the new look of my blog? It was inspired by Andrea's new "facelift".
Of course, I took the time to do all of this when I have a ton of homework to do. Isn't that the best time to spruce up a blog? For some reason I feel extra creative when I am procrastinating! :o) Now if only I could put that energy into digital design class! Ha ha.

Poor George

So for clay class, I have been working on a hollow clay form. Our teacher showed us an example... he hollowed out an oval shape and then a long skinny tube. His example gave me the inspiration for George... George the Giraffe.

Meet George, he is a nice fellow...quite and shy, but very friendly.

The problem with George is that I've been over-working him. He is stressed out! So stressed, his legs are breaking. :o( Hopefully I can repair him tomorrow morning in class with some special bandage-slip. And then finish him up with more spots!

And now my kitchen table is officially a disaster zone... clay EVERYWHERE! Jake isn't too happy about it. :o/

Also, here is my self portrait. Can anyone tell what I am feeling?? (sorry for the glare...)

My Bi-annual Breakdown

I usually break down once a semester. It usually happens towards the middle to end of the semester when all of the sudden everything is due and I have 3 big tests. It mainly happens because I start thinking of all the things I have to do and overload my brain. Then, Jake has to take my hand, pet my head and tell me everything will be alright, just take one step at a time. And with a deep breath, I usually calm down. No biggie. :o)

Well, I had my semester break down last week... in the third week of school! What? Yea. So this week I have been out of touch with the world (I haven't seen anyone in forever or read many blogs...sorry). I've been hiding in our house, trying to finish all these art projects... self portrait for my painting class, several pots for clay, and a story board for digital design. On Tuesday night, as I was sitting at the computer (for what seemed like hours), struggling with Photoshop. It doesn't help that I am exhausted from waking at 6a, M-Th. So I just started crying.

Work... school...art projects...I have to clean the house at some point, it is a mess! There are still boxes everywhere from moving... there are dishes in the sink, there are walls to be painted, and furniture to paint. What is for dinner tonight? I don't feel like cooking. How long do I have sit at the computer and work on this?! This is due at 8am tomorrow! Jake is going to need to use the computer later. I want to sleep. I still need to finish my painting. Blah blah blah blah.

Why do I do this to myself? I start thinking of all the things I need to do and freak myself out. But if I just take one step at a time, one project at a time, and manage my time well...everything will work out fine.

But Agh! I am ready to be out of school. I want to be able to come home, sit on the couch and not worry about all the things I need to do for school. Ah, to be able to leave school at school and come home to relax.

I did get my work done this week/weekend but it came at an expense. I stressed out so much about everything that I got myself sick. Sniffles, coughing, congestion, etc. It is wonderful to wake up at 6am and feel sick also! :oP

So here's to my bi-annual breakdown becoming more of a regular thing... at least for this semester. The wonders of art majors and 3 studio classes... 3 hours each. Cheers.