Just when I start to think...

It is funny how it happens.
Okay, maybe not funny.
Interesting. Maybe?

The moment I start to think good thoughts about the situation with my parents, Satan rains on my parade.

As I was sitting at Harvest Call (training for LST), I started to think about the amazing time I had in Japan. I shared my life, my faith, my struggles with these people and I made some amazing connections because of it. I shared how much I struggled and they did too. I shared how I've become a stronger, wiser person because of it. My experience this past summer would have been completely different if I wasn't going through this... God used me in an amazing way, to reach out to people who also struggle.

It put a smile on my face.
I realized that I should be praising God for my struggles. I realized that I wasn't even letting God in as much as I should. People have been praying for me and my family. So many people. I get told just about every Sunday. I've gotten emails from friends, sending me helpful links. And it has encouraged in ways I cannot put into words. But how much have I been lifting it up? Not enough.
Why?
Well, because I am stubborn. I can do it on my own. Because really, I have had to do many things on my own since about high school. Actually, probably middle school (Yea, it is called Middle School in the northwest, not Jr. High).

So tonight I came to this realization. And I felt good (not about the lack of prayer on my end). I felt like I at least came to an understanding of my situation and what I need to do about it. Like it wasn't the end of me. I still don't feel that way, but I do feel robbed of my brief feeling of happiness.

Of course I get a call from my mom. There is a problem with my brother. He took the car keys from my mom's purse and took off, only saying "I'll be right back". An hour later, he is still out... license less, insurance less, and warrant out for his arrest in another state. If he gets pulled over, he will be arrest and the car will be impounded... of which there is no money to bail him or the car out (car being most important). And this is the only running car my parents have. My mom does work.

The problem aside, I feel like I was robbed. That Satan just snatched that good feeling away. He knew I was feeling good and he hated it. He wants me so much to be depressed about this. He wants me to feel like there is no hope. He wanted me to keep pushing God away.

Well I am here to say that he will not win. No sir. I am not going down without a fight. With the help of my friends, my husband (what a great husband he is!), and God... I will make it through. I will not be depressed. I will continually praise God... knowing that He will always be there for me and that He will not give me anything that I cannot handle. I will not loose hope.

Never give up, Never surrender! (-Galaxy Quest...That was a horrible movie, I know.)